For the last year or so I’ve been hearing about The Human Centipede. I first heard about it from my friend Charles who was so disgusted with it when it surfaced in conversation that he refused to even tell me what it was about. Curiosity piqued, I looked it up online and was pretty shocked at the premise. It’s almost become even an inside joke with a few of my friends, but for some reason I’ve never had the time or overwhelming urge to watch it…until this week when I found out it was FREE on demand.
The film begins with a couple of early 20’s female Americans jet-setting through Europe. After meeting a prospective European suitor, they are invited to a party and become easily lost in a wooded area en route to the gathering after their car gets a flat tire. Because they both have no idea how to change a tire, they venture into the woods looking for a helping hand.
They find a secluded house in the woods and bang on the door in desperation. One of the creepier looking dudes (played by Laser Dieter) I’ve ever seen answers the door and coldly welcomes them in. Apparently he’s a skilled doctor in separating Siamese twins, or so he says. He ventures into the kitchen and fixes them a drink laced with a date rape drug, all the while pretending to call the authorities to pick the girls up.
After downing the water and a brief struggle, the girls pass out and wake up tied to hospital beds in the basement. The evil doctor kills a third captive who apparently doesn’t “fit”, and goes out to kidnap a Japanese tourist. He reveals his master plan to his three prisoners which is a (100% medically accurate-according to the cover) procedure that will surgically connect them in a chain from mouth to anus (yep) after their knee ligaments have been sliced, completing his vision of a human centipede.
After one of the girls escapes the house, she decides to venture back in to save her friend, and is eventually caught by the doctor. He vows that he will punish her by putting her in the middle of the centipede. (for the love of God people, learn to change a tire!)
At this point in the film I was getting restless with the embarrassingly bad acting on all corners and becoming a little squirmish with the impending and inevitable idea of actually seeing The Human Centipede come to fruition. Curiosity once got the best of me and I returned to it two nights later.
The promise of the title is delivered, and The Human Centipede eventually comes to life. What comes after that is quite appalling, crude, and downright disgusting. I will admit that I thought the graphics would be more horrifying.
I can’t really recommend anyone to spend 90 minutes of their precious life watching this film. The acting is horrendous, the special effects (if you can call them that) are laughable, and the film will only live on through its reputation as such. If you insist on viewing this disaster of a movie, at least call over some friends to laugh and/or cringe along with you.